Monday, May 1, 2017

Like I was saying...

The cat just barfed right in the middle of the floor. Right in front of the door. As if that was the designated barfing zone and, "how dare you [me] look down at me [the cat] as if I was a throw-out-the-door object and not part of the family."

Ok, ok. I'm sorry I "tossed" you out the door a little more forcible than I should have but...

"Don't but me, mister. Your human children barfed on the floor all the time. The floor, the bed, all over the bathroom. And did you throw THEM out the door?"

I guess not.

"You guess not? What, was that a tricky question? Of course you didn't. They were a part of the family, just like I am. If you're going to throw out ANY cat, throw out that other one. She's a bitch."

Watch your language, ok?

"I just have a weak stomach. I can't help it if raw bird doesn't agree with me."

Well then, stop eating them.

"Easy for YOU to say. You eat such a variety of food -- King Ranch Casserole, Ramen Noodles, Lasagna, Sushi. And what am I stuck with? Little chunks of dried mystery nuggets. Seafood flavored, yes, but only flavored. Not the real thing."

If I fed you some fish, you'd choke on a bone.

"That's why you filet it for me. Steamed with a bit of lemon juice, covered with thyme, a portion of asparagus and thinly-sliced potatoes on the side. THAT, my friend, I wouldn't barf up for the world."

Sometimes I get the feeling you think you own the place.

"And a nice red wine. Lightly chilled. Chop chop, good man. I've got carousing to do."

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