Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Shopping cart food snobbery

I'm sure when people look at my early Saturday morning Walmart shopping cart full of fruits and vegetables and products from Asia and India with names that begin with Q and Z, they're thinking, "My God, man, how can you live without frozen sausage biscuits and a 12-pack carton of soda pop?"

At the same time they're having their thoughts, I'm thinking, "My God, man, couldn't you've bought a real pineapple instead of that canned chopped-up syrupy stuff with artificial coloring and factory-induced aftertaste?"

Shopping cart food snobbery, hurled in both directions.

"And what is this?" the cashier asks.

"It's Bok Choy."

"Hmmmm. And what's it good for?"

The shopper in line behind me looks to see what the commotion's about.

"Tonight, it'll go into a nice soup, with tumeric and Shitake mushrooms," I reply.

"Shitake. Oh, that's how you pronounce it?"

The bored shopper loses interest and grabs a candy bar from the shelf. His cart is full of sodas and chips and frozen pizza and tubes of ground beef and maple syrup for his boxes of frozen waffles.

Yes, I feel superior with my grapes and quinoa while others are toting around boxed cookies and fake juice drinks. How can they eat like that? And why? Is it too much trouble to chop up an onion and bell peppers, boil a pot of rice and serve it all up with broccoli and tofu? America is the land of the buy one get one free and home of the bravely obese, but does it have to be?

Another shopper enters my line but decides to head off to another register. My purchases are taking time.

Boxes, cans and cartons of packaged food-like stuff are easy to ring up at the cash register. Just slide the bar code across the scanner and away you go. Vegetables and fruits, on the other hand, have to be inspected, counted, and weighed, their product numbers sometimes punched in by hand, which seems to me quite fitting seeing that they were picked, inspected, counted and weighed by hand before they were shipped to the store for me to purchase.

"So, what ya going to do with that stuff?" the shopper behind me asks, pointing at a head of Napa cabbage.

"Gonna make some kimchi," I reply. "It's good for the gut. They eat a lot of it in Korea."

He turns to his wife and I hear him say, "Damn Democrat holding up the line. Look and see if there's another one open."

Luckily the cashier is ringing up my last item. It's in a brown paper bag to keep it cool. She looks in the bag then looks up with a smile that says, "Your secret is safe with me."

I hang my head in embarrassment. Inside the bag is a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream.

"It's for a friend," I say.

"Sure, honey," is her reply. "Sure it is."

No comments:

Post a Comment