Monday, March 1, 2010

Women 5, Men 1

When I'm in charge of the world, I'm going to make sure that every building, every venue, every house of worship, every sporting arena, every place that could possibly be used to host more than a handful of people -- every dad-blasted last one of them has five times more Women's Restrooms than Men's.

I call it the "5 to 1 Ratio of Making The Fairer Sex Happy Enough to Attend a Hockey Match" principle.

And before you start thinking I'm some liberal female women-libber's toy, bent on sucking up to the "gentler sex" because I know which side of my bread is buttered -- which would be mostly right -- let me explain my reasoning:

We guys are constantly waiting on women, and it starts at an early age. First date? Had to wait for whatever-her-name was to brush her teeth and tie her hair in a ponytail. First homecoming? Had to wait for some girly-girl to put on her makeup and let her mother attach the "mum" I bought her because she SURE wasn't going to let ME do it!

Marriage proposal? Well, I will say "that woman" had to wait for ME to do it, but that's the only time. I've been waiting on her ever since.

So, we go to a concert or a sporting event, the thing is over and I'm all ready to go, I've done my guy thing in the Men's Room, and now I'm waiting on her. And there's a line snaking around the lobby for the Women's Room, and she's at the end. All the women are waiting in line, all the men are leaning against the wall, looking down at the floor.

And we wait.

It's just not right. We either need to change the building codes to the "5 to 1" ratio, or teach our ladies how to use a urinal.

I vote for "5 to 1."

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