Tuesday, June 1, 2010

My Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill Predictions

Deepwater Horizon Fire

Boy, when British Petroleum takes a leak, it really takes a leak.

Nobody knows how many more days, weeks, or months BP will keep vomiting oil in the Gulf, but I have some predictions about the whole thing -- and a statement:

1. Celebrities by the score will drive their Hummers and fly their private jets to the Gulf Coast in order to raise awareness of the disaster.

2. Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers will finally learn the location of the Gulf of Mexico, and then write songs about it.

3. Tourist from all over the world will come to The Gulf to catch a glimpse of it periodically combusting. The man-made phenomenom will be known as The Southern Flames.

4. Native American groups will shut down their casinos in protest, and only THEN will our addiction to fossil fuels be addressed -- not cured, just addressed.

5. Someone will invent a way to produce shrimp-like products out of soybeans.

6. The Gulf will unofficially be known as "Oh, Shit."

7. When hurricane season kicks into full force, we'll have other things to worry about than just a little bit of oil in the water.

8. BP will declare bankruptcy and not be able to clean up the spill. The company's executives will fly off to New Zealand for a little R & R and dine on very expensive non-soybean shrimp.

And now for my statement:

BP is not responsible for this disaster -- WE are. We say nothing about wearing polyester shirts and bagging our groceries in plastic Wal-mart bags; we don't think twice about drinking bottled water (how ironic: water encased in an oil product); we're happy if our cars get 28 mpg and upset if we can't find a convenient parking place near the grocery store entrance; we stand by and do nothing as our world spirals down into an unlivable quagmire of pollution because we know we'll adjust to it and think it normal.

I'm not saying we need to revert to living how our Native American ancestors once did; I'm not saying this is all the white man's fault. What I am saying is that something needs to change -- and change quickly.

Will we really be happy eating Soy-Shrimp?

1 comment:

  1. one more prediction:
    BP will go bankrupt and re-emerge as a new company with Green in its name.