Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Sumo Wrestler

I'm taking a little break today. My wife and I are in Chicago, celebrating 25 years of marriage (our anniversary was yesterday), and if I even THINK about touching a computer, I think she'll kill me.

To celebrate, here's a little song I wrote a few years ago that's a favorite with the kiddos. I've never told anybody this before, but if it hadn't been for my wife, this would have been a song about Mountain Men.

You see, when I was working on the song, I asked her opinion about the lyrics. She thought they were degrading to mountain men. I was taken aback. What could be more funny than hairy, smelly, I-eat-skunk mountain men? It was great! It was perfect! And I knew all the kids would love it!

"Nope, it puts mountain men in a bad light, and I think it's awful," she said.

Okay, how about if I change it to Sumo Wrestlers.

She thought about it for a moment and said, "Now THAT'S funny!"

And here it is. If you want to sing along, the lyrics are down below. (Oh, and please don't judge me by my hat. Thank you!)

Sumo Wrestler

I went to the movies last Saturday night
Jackie Chan was on the big screen a kung fu fight-
In came a big old man and he sat in front of me,
I tried to look around him but I just couldn't see.

The flick was just beginning and Jackie threw a chair,
But all that I could see was the big man's hair.
Everywhere I looked that man was in my way,
And like a big dummy, I opened my mouth to say

Hey there mister could you sit a little lower,
Your head's in the way and so are your shoulders,
By the way I think you're naked go and put on some clothes,

He just looked at me, said something in Japanese,
And I had no idea what he was saying.

He was a Sumo Wrestler (look at that belly),
A Sumo Wrestler (it jiggles like jelly),
He's a Sumo Wrestler, as big as a bear,
Parading around in his underwear.

Well, after the movie I thought that I would
Head to McDonalds and order some fries
And a big cold drink and a burger to eat.
I never have the onions, I always cut the cheese.

Up at the counter the lady said, "Hi,
Are you ready to order?" And then I saw her eyes
Get big and round and I knew she didn't see me,
Something behind me was making her queasy.

I turned around to see what the lady was a seeing,
And wouldn't you know it was the biggest human being
That I ever did see with a diaper 'round his waste,

He just looked at me, said something in Japanese,
And I have no idea what he was saying.


It was then I started seeing Sumos all around,
I saw them going uptown, I saw them going down to the
Record store, pizza shop, Sumos galore,
I even saw a dozen in a Wal-Mart store.

I saw one try to get in a little bitty car.
I saw one stumble out of a sushi bar.
I even saw a Sumo dancing The Twist
And it wasn't a pleasant experience.

And then it just hit my, I had a suspicion,
They must be having a Sumo convention.
I went up to a Sumo to ask if I was right,

And he just looked at me, said something in Japanese,
And I had no idea what he was saying


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