Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The vuvuzela is dead. Long live the vuvuzela

Vuvuzela Day
I'm sorry to see the World Cup end. Not because of the soccer (didn't see a match because we don't have television), but because of the vuvuzelas!

Of course, I know for a fact there are millions, if not billions, of people right now thankful the World Cup's over soley for the reason that they don't have to listen to the vuvuzelas anymore; thankful that there's no other reason to get them out and blast us all to kingdom come.

Well, I beg to differ. I betcha there are millions of excuses for blowing a vuvuzela. For example:

At the end of weddings
Funerals (limited to graveside)
4th of July
Happy New Year
Sporting events such as
  1. Football
  2. Basketball
  3. Cricket
  4. Baseball
  5. Curling
  6. Tennis
  7. Darts
  8. Tiddly Winks
Maybe NOT golf or chess.
Births (Blow a blue one for boy, pink for girl)
About to have sex
Just had sex
A forceful way to say "no" when the boy begs for sex
School is out for summer
Summer is over (a lament)
Foggy night on boat
Used as a mating call to hunt down wild vuvuzelas

See! There are MILLIONS of reasons to use one of those loud, plastic, South African noisemakers.

Got Vuvuzela?

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