Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Why would anybody want to grow up?

I probably should wait and write about this subject when I'm a bit older -- say in my 80s -- but now seemed like a good time, so here goes:

When I was younger, I could eat a whole pepperoni and mushroom pizza with extra cheese by myself. Nowadays, I'm lucky to finish two slices.

When I was younger, I could ride in a car all day without ever having to make a "pit stop." If I drive anywhere today, I have to pee every 20 minutes or 20 miles, whichever comes first.

When I was younger, I spent hours making sure every hair on the top of my head was in its perfect place before I went out in public. Nowadays, as long as I don't have any ice cream in my beard or mustache, I'm good to go.

When I was younger, I could run up and down the stairs at the football stadium, do 20 jumping jacks and ride a bike all the way home and not break a sweat. Today, I sweat just thinking about it.

When I was younger, I could bend over and touch my toes. Nowadays, I'm not even sure my toes are still down there.

When I was younger, I could eat a bowl of cereal, a huge glass of milk, a bowl of ice cream and feel great. Nowadays, milk and I are not on speaking terms.

When I was younger, I prayed that one day I'd be over six feet tall. Today, I'm just hoping to maintain 5-foot, seven.

When I was younger, even the thought of wearing black socks with shorts and tennis shoes would have made me shiver. Nowadays, I'm starting to think about it.

When I was younger, I wondered if old people were just pretending not to hear what other people were saying. Nowadays, depending on who's talking, I know the answer.

When I was younger, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. Nowadays, I haven't a clue.

When I was younger, people kept telling me to stop being silly, to grow up and act my age. Nowadays, they're still telling me to grow up and act my age, but I don't listen.

When I was younger, all the old people would say, "One day, you'll understand" but I didn’t have a clue what they were talking about. The old people are still saying, "One day, you'll understand" and I still don't know what they're talking about.

When I was younger, I hated the thought of growing old. Nowadays, I wouldn't be young again for all the oil in the Middle East.

When I was younger, I feared Death. Nowadays, Death better watch out because I'm in a fighting mood.

When I was young, I was a nobody to the world. Today, I'm still a nobody, but I'm okay with it.

It's not so bad growing old. The sin is "being" old.

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