It was the least I could do

So I’m guessing you noticed that I washed some of the dishes last night and put most of them away. Very thoughtful of me. Right? One question, though: where do you keep the potato smasher? I thought you usually put it in the vintage milk-glass pitcher on the counter next to the oven with the other “too big to go into the silverware drawer” utensils, but I wasn’t sure. So I put it in the fridge, just in case you go looking for it and are wondering where it is. 

And while I’m thinking about it, I put the 18-inch casserole dish in the cabinet with the coffee mugs. It makes getting to some of those mugs a little tricky, but you could always use the other ones. I mean, we have at least 120 of them. Plenty to choose from. I would have put the casserole dish in with the other ones, nested inside each other, but I thought this kitchen needed a little spicing up. A bit more “coolness” vibe. Yes?

Speaking of ice trays. I’m not sure if you’ve ever noticed, but when I empty out the ice trays, I put them back in the freezer without water in them. It’s called “pre-cooling” the trays. Sort of like pre-heating the oven. Imagine how long it would take to cook a meatloaf if you didn’t. Anyways, I read somewhere on the Internet that pre-cooling the ice trays makes for better ice making. So don’t get mad when you see them empty up there. It’s just basic science stuff.

Oh, stop it. There’s no need to thank me for helping around the house. It was the least that I could do.

Changing the subject. I’ve noticed lately how tall the grass has been getting. I say grass, but what is really growing are the weeds — the grass, too, but mostly weeds. I wouldn’t mind spending more time out in the yard, in the fresh air, with nature, and the weed-eater, turning our yard into something we could be proud of instead of something that looks like a vacant lot next to an abandoned meth house — but I’m trying to show empathy for our neighbors.

You see, if I get the lawnmower out today, mow everything in perfectly straight lines, trim, edge, fertilize, add new plants, flowers, trees, hedges, and build a small waterfall, with the water flowing into a small koi pond surrounded by exotic Japanese plants — well, our neighbors might feel bad that they’re unable to keep up with the Smiths and Joneses. And we can’t have that, can we? It just wouldn’t be neighborly.

The same goes for washing the car. Sure, I’ve heard there’s a new carwash in town. I drove by it the other day. Looks kinda fancy. I would think myself the luckiest person in the world if my car was always spick and span, washed and waxed. But the neighbors might become envious of my always-shiny rims and my clear-as-glass windshield. And we both know that “envy” is a four-letter word that leads us all down a foul-mouthed path toward the rocky ledges of jealousy, desire, and bitterness. No ma’am. We can’t have any of that either, can we?

So that’s why I think it’s best for me to leave everything like it is. The car a little grimy, the yard a little unkept, the ice trays in a constant pre-cool status and ready at a moment’s notice, the dishes stacked in random “let’s go on a treasure hunt” places, and me stretched out on the couch resting from all the hard work I was thinking about doing today, but decided tomorrow would suffice. Sound good?