Thursday, April 8, 2010

What do you mean you don't have a truck?

Just because Oprah doesn't drive a truck is not a good excuse for YOU not to drive a truck. If Oprah jumped off a cliff would you jump after her?

On second thought, don't answer that.

I'm just guessing here, but I'm pert-near positive that not only does Oprah not own a truck, but that she's never devoted a single episode to the one and only truly-American vehicle designed to do more than just get you from your penthouse apartment to Bloomingdale's.

It's a tragedy I say -- an unbelievable, un-American tragedy!

But, we can't all be perfect!

If I had my own show, I'd devote an entire week to Living With an American Truck. Monday's episode would be called "How to Show Your Truck That You Care." Tuesday would be "237 Reasons for Washing Your Dodge Ram." Wednesday would showcase celebrities who drive Ford F-150s. Thursday would be dedicated to "Hauling: It's In Our Blood." And Friday would be "Do It In A Truck."

Without a pickup truck, America wouldn't be the America we all know and love. How would we haul hay to our goats? With what would we pull our fishing boats? How would we go muddin'?

Trucks are useful; trucks are sturdy; trucks make you feel independent and able to do the things that need to get done.

Viagra can't hold a stick to The Power of the Truck!

I have no idea why Oprah never had an episode on such an all-American vehicle, but she must have had her reasons. Oh well, c'est la vie!

Are you ready to Live Without Oprah?

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