Nobody Wants to Listen to Someone With a Weird Idea

I try not to talk unless I’m asked a question. Even then, I try to stick with parroting back what has been said.

“Good morning.”

Good morning.

“Seems to be a little chilly this morning.”

Absolutely chilly.

“The newspaper says Artificial Intelligence will one day destroy the world.”

AI will do that to ya.

“Are you going to the store before that happens? We’re all out of avocados.”

Yep. Going to the store. Avocados.

There really isn’t any need for me to say things like “Nope, lousy morning. Can’t we turn up the heat a bit? Yes, I’ll go, but I’m starting to feel uncomfortable thinking about having to make my way through crowds of angry shoppers looking for the perfect AI-generated avocado. I think maybe we’ll eat toast today. If we have any bread.”

Nobody wants to listen to a complainer. Or someone with a weird idea. Or someone who feels the need to recall a dream they had the night before:

ME: I pulled up to a gas station, stepped out of my car, and noticed a tote bag sitting on top of the trunk. It wasn’t mine. I had no idea where it came from. So I went inside the gas station to tell the attendant, but he wouldn’t listen to me. Kept singing along with a song that was playing on the radio. So I went outside to talk to the mechanics, but they ignored me because they were singing along with the SAME song on THEIR radio. That’s when I noticed my car was stolen. So I went into the sheriff’s office (which so happened to be attached to the gas station), and he wouldn’t give me the time of day because HE was singing along with the SAME song on HIS radio. What do you think that means?

THEM: You know, I had a dream the other night that I was on a boat and…

Nope. Didn’t even listen. Started thinking about THEIR dream, not giving MY dream the time of day. So I try not to tell people my dreams anymore. And when they tell me THEIRS, I say stuff like, “Oh really? Yep, that’s a weird dream.” Unless it’s funny, then I say, “Oh really? Yep, that’s a funny dream.”

I will admit there are times when I’m not a good listener myself (ME: Did you just say you bought a terrifying Komodo Dragon? THEM: Nope. I was wondering how long this terrible traffic jam was going to drag on), but it’s possible I may be getting hard of hearing.

Communication. Verbal communicating. I’m starting to think I should stop talking altogether. Nod my head every now and then. Shoo my hand for go away. High-pitched grunts to represent understanding. Low-pitched grunts for “you need to leave me alone.”

In the TV show “Pluribus,” Earth is taken over by aliens who turn the humans into a peaceful and contented “hive mind” race. Everybody knows everybody else’s thoughts, dreams, and skill sets. No real need for talking. Need to fly a commercial jet to Munich but you’re a post office worker in El Paso? No problem. Robby in Cincinnati flies 747s. Just hack into his mind and away you go.

Although, I bet it would be kinda awkward when you have the memories of your parents as they are creating a little you. I know I wouldn’t want to see that.

The flip side would be if that alien invasion had been by creatures with a hive mind which assimilated everybody into a hostile and aggressive collective like the Borg from “Star Trek.” See the planet, assimilate the planet, resistance is futile, everybody back to their cubicles, and off we pop to the next inhabited solar system. Yeehaw!

The Borg costume is very iconic, but would you really be okay with having your left hand amputated and replaced with a DeWalt Atomic 20V Max cordless angle grinder? Hmmmm. Now that I’m thinking about it….

I wonder if birds ever get tired of hearing other birds tweeting away, nonstop? For fish, is screaming just a matter of letting out a lot more bubbles? I’ve never heard a peep out of a deer. I’m guessing they’re telepathic. Do you think the trees took a vow of silence at the rising of humankind out of Africa?

I’d ask someone, but that comes under the heading of “Nobody Wants to Listen to Someone With a Weird Idea.” So I guess I’ll be like a tree and keep it all to myself.