I'm working on a big project. To be honest, it's eating my lunch, but I shall prevail.
Sorry. Can't tell you what it is. It's all hush-hush. Wouldn't want word to get out that I'm working on this big project because the minds of men are devious, and the amounts of cold, hard cash they might offer me could sway my decisions, and that would sort of be unethical, I guess, depending upon how much cash we're talking about.
Actually, I was stunned to even be offered this opportunity. I'm practically a newbie in the world of column writing -- not that column writing has anything to do with the project I'm working on -- and to be given the amount of responsibility I've been given...well, I would think it's unheard of.
But somewhere out there in the world, someone had faith in me and decided that I would be a good judge of something I really can't talk about, because, like I said, it's all hush-hush. So don't ask.
And why is it eating my cake? Well, because it's hard to judge one thing being better than another thing, and then explain WHY that one thing is better than the other thing. We're talking about people here, reputations, bragging rights, and to get it all wrong is a fate worse than death.
Of course, I'm talking hypothetically and off the record, and I flatly deny it has anything to do with a contest. In fact, I'll deny everything.
But, I've made my decisions, and now I must stick with them -- whatever it is I'm not supposed to be talking about -- and the devil take the hindmost. (Don't you just love that phrase? Devil take the hindmost. I have no idea what it means, and since no one else does either, what does it matter?)
Anyways, when all this hush-hushness becomes not so hush-hush, I'll let you know all about it -- win, lose or draw -- not that winning has anything to do with what I'm talking about. But I'll let YOU be the judge of that, and see how YOU like all that responsibility piled upon your back, causing you to lose sleep, hair, and your ever-loving mind.
Got to go now. All this sneaking around is giving me a headache.
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