My Talk With God

Since yesterday was Good Friday, and tomorrow is Easter, I thought it might be a good time to sit down and have a little chat with God. You know, make some comments, ask some questions, offer some suggestions -- that sort of thing.

So, here's how our conversation went:

Dear God,
     From this mountaintop I see your handiwork. But goats? Were you just in a bad mood that day?

Dear God,
     If you created me in your image, then I’m going to have some serious problems following a short, fat, bald guy to the afterlife.

Dear God,
     Thank you for making me a man, and giving me the ability to pee standing up.

Dear God,
     I wanted to be tall, rich and handsome, but you made me short, poor and ugly. Bad connections? Have you thought about switching to Verizon?

Dear God,
     If you created man, and man created the banjo, then I guess you’ve done some good -- in a roundabout sort of way.

Dear God,
     Thanks for giving women cleavage. Bravo!

Dear God,
     Since you know everything before it happens, couldn’t you have done something about Lady Gaga?

Dear God,
     When I die, can you see to it that I can continue to tweet from heaven. It will really freak people out.

Dear God,
     I’ve heard that hell offers wifi hotspots and heaven is still on dialup. Could you do something about that before my time is up?

Dear God,
     If you’re not serving hotlinks, chili and beer up in heaven, then I ain’t going!

Dear God,
     I asked you to show me a sign and you did. So, are you using minnows or worms?