Bad News

The other day, I was sitting in my living room counting up all the things that are busted or need repairing around my house -- the roof, the yard, the truck -- when my wife said there was something wrong with the dishwasher.

And then she told me the computer was infected with a virus.

And then I thought up this poem.

Bad News

By Tracy D. Farr

My shingle roof has sprung a leak,
The dryer isn't drying.
My truck won't start, the starter's bad,
The stovetop isn't frying.
I dropped my cellphone in the toilet
now it's fried for good.
I'd buy another only if I could.

My motorcycle needs new tires,
The doorbell isn't dinging.
The TV set is on the blink,
The ice box isn't freezing.
The computer has a virus
and the VCR won't play.
My goats just climbed the fence and ran away.

But that's not the bad news.

My girl she don't love me no more.
She packed her bags and walked out the door.
She met a guy from Abilene, and just waved goodbye to me.
My girl she don't love me no more.

My bathroom mirror's cracked,
And the front door doesn't close.
My ceiling fans run backwards
How that happened, no one knows.
My coffee maker's on the fritz,
The microwave is dead,
And now they say my pipes are full of lead.

But that's not the bad news.

My girl she don't love me no more.
She packed her bags and walked out the door.
She met a guy from Abilene, and just waved goodbye to me.
My girl she don't love me no more.

I should have fixed the toilet when it went to overflowing,
Mowed the yard before the whole darn place was overgrowing.
I bet this guy from Abilene is a handy with his hands,
'Cause that's the only thing she understands.

I used to own a monkey wrench,
a shovel and a hoe.
Somewhere I have a screwdriver,
but where, I wouldn't know.
If I have a tool box, it's nowhere to be found.
It might be somewhere rusting on the ground.

But that's not the bad news.

My girl she don't love me no more.
She packed her bags and walked out the door
She met a guy from Abilene, and just waved goodbye to me.
My girl she don't love me no more.