Saturday, July 18, 2015

Words of Caution

If you find yourself in the south of Florida and think I-75 north has got to be better than taking 95, it isn't and it costs $15, but they have these great Florida Citrus Centers where you can buy postcards and alligator heads, so I guess it evens out.

If you find yourself in Lake City, Florida, and you're beating yourself up because you didn't stop in Key West to have a slice of Key Lime pie, and you haven't eaten much for a few weeks except for Ramen noodles and dehydrated backpacker meals, don't go to Cedar River Seafood and order fried alligator tail, hushpuppies, oyster soup AND a slice of Key Lime pie and expect your stomach to cooperate.

If you find yourself looking at a Cedar River Seafood hand-written food bill before you get your Key Lime pie, and it's not totaled up (there seems to be a crossed-out zero at the bottom), and you're pondering the meaning when Meggan, the waitress brings you the Key Lime pie and says "it's on me," she's talking about the PIE and not the ENTIRE MEAL.

And if you walk right out of Cedar River Seafood without paying, thinking that mankind is beautiful and you'll never forget the kindness of Meggan the waitress, but a bouncer-sized manager follows you out and says you haven't paid and you try to explain that Meggan paid for it all, DON'T. Just go back inside and pay because he's twice the size of you and could break your legs twice without working up a sweat.

P.S. If you wake up the next morning and your stomach is on strike and you know you have to ride 300 miles to Georgia through the heat and thunderstorms -- just wait awhile. Brush your teeth. Maybe write a story.

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